Yup, bust my whole $2400 roll that I grinded up from $1k two days ago? Oh, why? Well I showed the bad beats on the other blog post, then I bubble a 9man STT when I raised twice in a row and got shoved on by SAME fucking guy BOTH times, and I had enough chips to fold a9 and 55. Calling it all off is bad. Then the third hand in a row I had ATdd with 88BB. I shove with that, same fucking guy calls my push, he has AQ. Board bricks. Thank the Lord my life is fucking good. I run SOO fucking bad it's such a stupid fucking joke. Poker gets me so fucking depressed when I run bad, almost as bad as if I were to play bad. It's SOO disgustlingly sick. It's so easy to bust a roll >$4k in a few hours if you run bad. My luck is so unbelieavble it's disgusting... yesterday ran pretty well and won 10 BI in a total of 4 hours. Lose ~11 BI tonite (playing above roll) in like a fucking hour and a half just gettin bad beated, coolered, and just fucking leveled. In PLO, I lost a $800 pot at $2/$4 hu vs a donk when I buttonraised AA94 with clubs, dude repotted to $36. I thought a bit and decided wtf I'll just repot. He called. Flop comes 834, two hearts, he pots the flop, I shove for maybe $10 more, he calls showing Q83K with two fucking hearts. What a GREAT FUCKING 3BET PREFLOP AND COLDCALLING 4BET OOP for 1/3 ur stack. Well fucking done. I obv brick because he completely stuck his cock in that flop's ass, and theres' a nice $400 from my diminishing roll...
I feel so bad; I just need to play on a fucking stake. I know my roll management would be a lot better cuz my staker would most likely sweat me some and tell me when I'm playing well or poorly, runnin bad, etc. They'd keep my head straight. I guarantee if I had an assistant at poker, with all the rolls I've busted and all the more time I would be playing, I'd say I'd have won $40k more in the past few years. Yea, SICK. That though right there puts me on life tilt. Was this busting my roll for the better? Maybe. Was it a sign from God to chill on poker until college and when I have a job? Maybe....Will I EVER PLAY AGAIN LATE AT NITE WHEN I ALWAYS 100% RUN LIKE FUCK... never. EVER. It's the dumbest fucking superstition ever, but I would bet damn good money it's been true 96% of my late night sessions. Fuck this is completely gross. At least I expect maybe $300 back in rakeback?
My goals for the rest of this year:
1. Take that $300 roll and not play cash games at all, but rather some $24 small donkaments or sngs or somethin and try to grind something out.
2. Try to run good in those MTTs/SNGs
3. Lift and get bigger
4. Good grades and work harder/study
That's it... normal shit for a student. Yea, not to bust another small roll would be a nice fucking start.
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