I'm done- ran great

Yea so, busted out of MTT when I wuz RELE low (16BB at the 50/100 level), and button opened to 300. I called with 1600 in chips to start the hand. I decided before I called I wuz going to stop n go. Thats wut I did on the J78 flop, of course he called with KK. I love how the 9d comes on the turn to give me the OESD and flush draw for false hope, then I blank the river. Then, I just lost an SNG when the blinds were high, 3 handed (6max $50+5 1 table sng), donk blind raised, I shoved AJo from the BB, he calls with AA. Great... then shorstacking for my last $225 becuz I wuz getting RELE impatient from running bad... button opened to 35, I shoved in $225 total, he called with AQ. Flop J33, turn 6, river A. YAY, another coinflip lost!!!! :) I'm tired of online poker it's so fckin frustrating. Tho I would like to make $ from it, it's somewut boring and it's more of a habit becuz Im an addict rather than fun. I think what Imma do is GRIND the $1600 (starting at .50/1 and dropping down if I even lose 1 BI) OR just cash it out for $1088 and find something cool to spend that on. The good thing is I'll have enough money to buy things like entertainment for the next year or so, then when I'm in mid 20's ill take that $6k out of the stock market I would put in and expect to get like $14k total or so... So yea, no need for money... I don't no y I play poker it stresses me out. My motivation...? To have fun and to win, though I have no real goal, which is probably the main thing holding me back. I just don't have enough motivation, no matter what, to grind and wait to move up through the limits. I should probably wait until I'm out of college before I play again... tho if I do get that $1600, theres' a 60% chance I'll keep it online- ONCE IN A WHILE take a shot at a small cash game for the hell of it or play a $24+2 (NO BIGGER THIS HAS TO LAST ME FOR A WHILE!) Donkament to try to get a good score. So yea, thats my epiphony. Good thing- I made $1600 this month from RB. Bad thing... I had $5700 in my account like a week and a half ago but just has been an unreal rocky ride from then and I just can't grasp the concept of the $ that I am losing... I have no real concept for money online because I can't see it, and I'm just in disbelief that I have it until I see it at $0. FUUUCK. PT Stats for month:

59,800 hands total (ALL holdem not just nlhe)... winning $1700

NLHE Stats:
46,500 hands playing 29/25/3.5 winning $3,055 at 4BB/100. Yea, so anyway, since I won $1700 total according to my PT, and paid that back $2700 loan to my friend earlier this month, I won $1k in PLO. I lost... $1300 in LHE (damn)... :-( I can't believe my discipline and roll management sux so hard. Poker has made me be sort of careless and has put things out of perspective... If all possible I would like to quit and focus on school...so happy I paid back those loans tho but damn if I had good roll management I woulda made SOO Much fckin money!! I'm outta control seriously... if I'm stuck I chase losses/move up. WTF is wrong with me? How many times have I had this convo with myself? I should wait till longer and I'm more responsible to play online poker seriously. I just don't want it to be wasted $ I could be making because I'm not playing and my skill is sharpest now. Ok. Over this blog post I have decided on something: I will play cash games regularly when I get my rakeback, but ONLY for a short amount of time (1k hands/day max playing 4-9 tables depending on how I feel), I will play my normal solid LAG game, and I will make sure that I have ALWAYS AT LEAST 30 BI! Yes, tough... meaning I need to have $3k before I start .50/1 nlhe, etc. I will NEVER chase losses... if I take a bad beat if I feel vengeful I'll stop. My motivation- a challnege to myself to see if I can have good life balance and make some money while playing very intelligently and not fucking around. If I break even for month, Ill still make like $750 in rakeback so yea.. Max loss in a session= -3BI. I cannot come back to poker for the rest of that day! If I lose two days in a row, I will look through PT for big hands and reeval game, while moving down a limit! So yea, -6BI in two days= move down a limit. I'm ready... I've realized 20 BI is just not enough to play with to be honest, and that it still allows me to go on tilt and affects my roll enough to pyschologically effect me into trying to get unstuck and play somewut bad. Also, NEVER TAKE A SHOT EVER! NEVER. BTW, 30 BI rule will apply for PLO... I'm definitley getting better at it tho so I will keep playing it becuz I've plugged the leaks in my game and playing well. Wish me luck for next month updates to follow. Good luck for next month this is a much needed reflecting/discipline break! I'M SO FUCKING STUPID...